Fifty Qualities That Make A Good Friend 08 26 2010

Fifty Qualities That Make A Good Friend 08 26 2010

What are the qualities that make a good friend?

1.      Share a common interest and see it from the same perspective

2.     One doesn’t feel like he is better than the other

3.     One doesn’t push the other to do self-destructive things or lead the other astray  - or into criminal activity

4.     Each is respectful to the other

5.     Neither is gay

6.     Each can hold his own weight and does not cause needless trouble

7.     A good friend stands by another when trouble looks for them

8.     A good friend does not use another friend

9.     A good friend does not let the other drink too much or keep pushing drinks at them

10.                         A good friend does not let another go home with women who look sickly

11.                         A good friend pays for their share of all they want to drink

12.                          A good friend tries to help the other be successful at something he knows how to do and does not lead the other to failure

13.                         A good friend likes to see that their friends maintain a standard of conduct

14.                         A good friend does not betray a friend and “Sell them out.”

15.                         A good friend does not try and make one think another of their friends  is better

16.                         A good friend stares down those looking to beat up their friend

17.                          A good friend speaks up when he sees something wrong with your material stuff

18.                         A good friend listens and learns, does not try and talk over you

19.                         A good friend makes a good copilot when driving and does not allow you to miss a turn off or exit.  They pay attention to important stuff.

20.                         A good friend respects themselves and does not act like an irresponsible vegetable

21.                         A good friend knows how to ward off trouble

22.                         A good friend does not make you sick and has good standards of health and hygiene and is not germ laden

23.                         A good friend shares their stuff

24.                         If you let a good friend borrow your stuff they do not lose it or wreck it

25.                         A good friend respects your stuff

26.                         A good friend does  not litter either

27.                         A good friend does not do drugs either

28.                         A good friend sees to it you get a good woman too

29.                         A good friend is loyal and does not believe lies about you

30.                         A good friend does not lie about you

31.                         A good friend is not too jealous or spiteful of you

32.                         A good friend has achieved or has ambition to achieve.  A good friend contemplates achievement

33.                         A good friend is responsible for themselves and their actions

34.                         A good friend is honest about themselves and does not see themselves as something they are not- pretentious.  This means if they are not educated they don’t act like they are smarter than someone who is, and do not have a chip on their shoulders of jealousy regarding this

35.                         A good friend likes the company of  another friend and they are happy to see their friends

36.                         A good friend can just sit the passenger side of the car like “man’s best friend” would while you’re driving and you don’t have to say too much.

37.                         A good friend does not have too much of a chip on their shoulder and does not try and prove themselves concerning the chip.  For example a shorter fellow that starts fights out of insecurity

38.                         A good friend is easily able to get “on the same page as you are”—a good teammate in sports

39.                         A good friend is proactive in keeping you from getting in trouble

40.                         A good friend encourages you to do better when they think you can

41.                         A good friend does not bother you when you are playing with toys in your own style

42.                         A good friend will often lead by setting an example of how to do something better, without bragging too much or showing off arrogantly

43.                         A good friend does not put you down or insult you for things you cannot change

44.                         A good friend isn’t afraid to tell you when they indeed know for a fact certain that you are indeed wrong

45.                         A good friend tries to understand and respect your reasoning, and teach from your point of view

46.                         A good friend thinks for themselves and is not a nagging invalid brat

47.                         A good friend does not act like a woman if he is a man

48.                         A good friend often says funny things

49.                         A good friend knows how to tell you something and will tell you stories of knowledge

50.                         A good friend knows when you say “uncle”

No matter what friends you have had in your life try and remember the good and constructive things they taught you.  For each friend you ever had try and remember at least one good thing about them that you could say.  I will use coded letters to say the good things about friends that I have had.

BP- always gave good advice and was hospitable

SK- had a go getter mentality and was aggressive

FT- very skilled at certain sports and knew how to teach them to you, straight laced good person

MA- Had a good practical outlook

JD- Knew how to talk to girls

RD- got along good with, like two peas in a pod, good teammate

AB- understood and forgave weakness

DM- liked trains too

JF- had a different insight

MR- chummed around with

MO- not too much bad to say about, similar interests, personable

DS- a childhood brother, always forgave and came back

BW- fun person, sense of humor, accommodated us

JW- good drinking buddy, didn’t get in much trouble with, talked about stuff the same way

FR- looked up to me

JG- a kind intelligent friend

JD- made friends easy, a social person

SJ- had project like ambitions

DB- similar interest

GD- chummy

God Bless Good Friends

Thomas Paul Murphy

Copyright 2010 Thomas Paul Murphy

Originally published at http://psychologyandprofiles.blogspot.com/ on 08 26 2010

The Nature of Duplcity 03 01 2007

Found this old one and thought some might like it.

The Nature of Duplicity

“Is it human nature to hate ourselves and project that outwards?”  3/1/2007

From a young age I started to question what I said and did and the ideology that governed these.  What was at interest? What interest was being served by my actions and how hard it was to do things a different way when I tried?

For example how peoples self expression is stifled by completely proper grammar and how sometimes there thinking should be along the lines of more proper grammar.  Along these lines why my written work was better than my verbal expressions.  How emotions govern true self expression.  How what you feel prevents you from saying what you think.

And how what a person say’s will with experience always reveal how they feel no matter how they try and mask their face through what they say.

Keys:

Look at how they look as they say.  Do the two seem consistent to you?  When are they “Open” with what they are saying?  When do they look very open with what they are saying yet sound very “Closed”?

What do you feel when you see and hear them near you?

What do you feel as you see and hear them talk?

Will a supposed enemy give you the right advice to only take delight in watching you not follow it?

And the next time give you poor advice in the hopes that you will have thought that the last time they actually did give you the right advice and that therefore their nature is completely trustworthy.  Only to follow this second change up advice to ruin.

Very few people will look you in the eye during the complete conversation.  Knowing the appropriate time to look a person directly in the eye during a conversation will tell you of the truth of what they are saying to you and whether their self interest is being more considered than yours which may actually be the case.

When it comes to your own realization that they are wrong and or told a lie to you and you try and look them in the eye at that very moment and they won’t or just vice versa they tell a lie and try and look you in the eye to gauge your response.  These clues will tell you whether they are the shifty sort or not.

After much experience with this or a certain person you don’t need to look them in the eye at all.  All you have to do is listen and look at them at the appropriate time for your own personal amusement or grief.

Some people think that by watching you do a task they have learned exactly how to do something as you did it only to try it for them and fail.  They think because they have seen you do it they knew how to do it and thus need not to.  Only by successful doing what you do, do you and or them know they have learned from seeing.

Why is it you can show and tell someone to do something and even give them detailed written instructions and they still can’t figure it out?  Is it because they love their own ways rather than those that would work?  Is it because they feel they have to “OWN” their understanding.  Loving your own ways that are not successful is a form of hatred.  Either of yourself or others.

Sometimes we hate ourselves for not saying what we believe, resent ourselves for not acting as we believed or feel others do not like you and therefore you should not follow their advice.

Because:

A.    You were given wrong advice.

B.     Somehow you could never follow good advice because you could not recognize it as being better than your own invalid beliefs.

When you have been successful whose advice did you take? 

Did you feel best when you have successful outcomes based on your own thinking or others or when you are able to synthesize both?

Do you feel best when you have a successful outcome when doing the opposite of what your are told by someone you think is either an è

a.     Idiot/fool

b.     Lire

c.      Friend

d.     Very smart person

e.     ?

What have you thought of all they express?

What were the outcomes of experiences with the previous types listed above?

Idea for a book è Of a young learner who has the experiences with those five characters and what does he learn from each?

When is someone a fool or just acting like one so you can learn how not to be a fool?  You can always learn from either!

Sometimes you know one is not a fool but acting like one to teach.  What are you deciding you are learning from the “fool’?

What do you feel of the term life is just a circus and we are merely players?

What do you think of the clown who rides the unicycle, the dancing bear, and the trained elephant?

When you see the man walk the tightrope do you think you could only do that it if you devoted a whole lifetime to it?

What does the clown know of what he does -  -  - if not all?

Does the clown ever make a true mistake?

Look at how the clown’s eyes are painted sad as you watch him err?  Is it human nature to watch people err and laugh at them as they do?  Is this a good form of learning to laugh at others mistakes and how do you feel when others laugh at your mistakes?  Do you always feel they are laughing at you or with you? Are you meant to be the clown or just have the sad face of one who errs?

Which is better to be the audience prepared to laugh, the clown or the person with the sad face who resembles the clown?

Does what you tell yourself make you better or worse?

How far will a person get if they unyielding only walk a straight line in one direction?---It cannot be done!

How do feel as people try more and more to prove an opinion to you that is contrary to yours?  Who is bearing the “Burden of Proof.”   Do you often find yourself where is the lie in their longer proof?  Do you feel it should be the world’s burden of proof to prove you wrong or does it then become your task to prove yourself write to others, or just yourself?  Does only a fool argue with a fool or DO TWO FOOLS ARGUING BECOME LESS FOOLS EACH?

If you know they are wrong do you feel it is your burden to prove them right?  Is it best to believe in yourself and leave them with their own beliefs or lies?  Or do you believe they may be arguing with you to learn from you.  It is probably for the good of humanity if at the very least subtly state your opinion and try and convey you’re reasoning thereof if you can get a word in edgewise.

When you are doing a task well and you see others are envious what happens next?  How should you really feel when you SEE envy?  How should you feel when you hear envy?  Do you accurately recognize envy when you hear it or see it?

How do others react when you recognize their envy?  Do you feel they are usually mean or counterproductive to you because they know what you have realized is indeed their own form in some way of self loathing?  And then do you see a pattern where they don’t want you to reinforce what you know of them and their envy  as self loathing and what it say’s of them.  Do you find that for some reason they try and distract, divert you in some way or change the subject, and this results in you not remembering their envy?  Do you feel that people do not you to recognize their envy as a sign of your greater accomplishment?  Do your accomplishments then become greater or worse as a result of this process?  Are you made better or worse or are they made better or worse, should anyone feel the either of the former?  Does the term know thyself fit accurately here?

What would you think of a speaker from afar that you never formally met who comes to you and say’s, “I don’t like you and you don’t like me?” is it worth arguing about?  When someone says something to you with an expression of harmful intent do you just react with hatred back to them or do you try and think that maybe you can learn something from what they said in a wise way to better yourself? =è This is always worth a try!

One last thought, “Have there been times in the past where the person has acted and meant well for you to that result?”  If you able to follow their wrong thinking to lead you to your own right conclusion THEY HAVE INDEED HELPED YOU.

Thomas Paul Murphy 

Copyright 03 02 2007 Thomas Paul Murphy

On Problem Solving 03 09 2010

On Problem Solving


Make your thoughts stand the test of reason. When they fail the test of reason you should start thinking better thoughts that stand the test of reason.

Do not be afraid to think of different ways to solve problems and don’t be afraid to laugh at the absurd and ridiculous thoughts that are unworkably foreign. Sometimes it is indeed helpful to make a joke out of the absurd to serve an annotation in the future of what not to do. Analyzing different outcome in this matter is the nature of development. Reflection upon events that actually transpire with regard to directions chosen is the basis of genius.

Build a ladder work of strong premises that do not sway from the immature intrusion of sick and uneducated minds. Listen but do not be led astray by foundations that rest on faulty premises or do not achieve hierarchical goals. This is a basis as you compare foundations of projects as to design, cost savings, and strength. But also with regards to all constructs of reason, judgment and philosophy, etc.

One of the main obstacles in teaching and in constructive politics in this country is, “A question that implies a false premise instead.”



Make sure foundations are built on a strong base or premises, that meet all standard project goals and more, otherwise you have built a “castle of sugar cubes.”



God Bless Those Who Think For Themselves

Thomas Paul Murphy



Copyright 2010 Thomas Paul Murphy

Responsible Parenting and Maturation (another Socratic essay) 07 10 2010

Responsible Parenting and Maturation (another Socratic essay) 07 10 2010

Part I “Where the hell did she come from!”

“Would one man change the world slowly and destroy it to feed and maintain a negative self image his wife has of herself?” How far will men go to maintain a wife’s delusion of self? Are men there men that are this insecure? Yes. And are they married to women who never would listen in order to learn? Is happiness in a woman always defined by comparison? Comparison of herself to other women? Is that indeed the true nature of a gatherer?

Part II “Responsible Parenting”

Why aren’t they raised to take pride in little steps of accomplishment? They were never taught patience? Patience is taught by using the word and the meaning of the word “No” and making certain that it has been obeyed.

A child will go to great lengths not to realize the importance of others or respect them. Often when told something they talk right over what they were told. Listening to someone else would defeat their power of ignorance. In effect they deny the significance of others.

Often a child will hear grownups talking and not understand the conversation. Tell the child that people talk about things they know. Things they know are knowledge. People talk about events or happenings. And people talk about people, hopefully they say good things. A young child often feels like they are not part of a group because they do not understand the conversation. This is the time they should be patient as most things adults talk about are not relevant to the world of a child. Children learn over time.

Teaching why we say no requires the patience of intellect and this requires development of intellect in oneself. First you must be what you try and teach.

How do we reinforce the word “no”? A time out period or similar type of period or convention is required. The length of the period set and maintained. But the goal is for you to realize your child has learned, and sincerely realizes why what it did was wrong. Has the child thought enough to form its own memory? Without memory formation there is no learning.

Memories are solidified by asking the question back to the one taught after a certain length of time. (When learning for yourself, do this also.) The time lag should not be longer than the interval you dad come to expect the behavior to be repeated at.

If the undesirable behavior occurs again first the learning process has been subverted.

Understanding requires more than echolalia repeating back to you what was said to them. It requires conceptual formations that support it. And this is indeed the basis for greater learning and intelligence. Positive, constructive, productive thoughts link together forming an often coveted ladder-work of knowledge.

Part III “Guise and Posturing in Parenting”

I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s to “BRAT” for me. Do we do something because it is a good thing to do? Or do we do it to put on a show in public. Is a women more concerned with being well dressed and how she looks rather than having a substance of good nature and therefore self. Can a form of immaturity and disrespect to the teacher actually be considered the best form of flattery to the teacher such person, a black hearted person of envy, is capable of? I have found that whenever someone puts on a show to try and impress in such fashion as is consistent with this paragraph accidents are likely to happen. Such as when parents are disciplining their children in public? Is the desired effect achieved by this or is this more a cry for help and understanding put forth by a frustrated parent? Does humiliation in public have its limitations in terms of effectiveness, if it is to be considered effective at all in some forms? What kind of a public are we trying to create?

Part IV “The UNDESIRABLE Consequences of Her”

And by all means give credit where credit is due as anything else is destructive, for when demand exceeds resources, thievery, famine and plague result.

Was this essay based on the question, “Where the hell did she come from?” Indisputably it was.

God Bless Those Who Think For Themselves

Thomas Paul Murphy

Copyright 2010 Thomas Paul Murphy

Two Siblings in One

Two Siblings in One 07 07 2010

Is there genetic testing to see if a child or person was born of a brother and sisters who were of same parents?

Can a child who is an inbred be termed “Two Siblings in One”? For the convention of this essay I will posture as such. As two siblings in one is such a human being in constant internal struggle with him/herself?

Would a two siblings in one person project this internal struggle outwards? Would this behavior be unfair towards others in its peer group? If children were secretly raised to be inbreeds, or two siblings in one, would they pose an unfair advantage to other society members as they externalize their internal struggles with little regard for others? How can a person who is two siblings in one have a discreet conscious? If a person does not have a discreet conscious, can they be reliable, can you trust them? Can they reach agreements internally as to what is right from wrong?

If such a preposterous construct were ever the case and a child was adopted, would we ever know? Is there a way we could test for this?

Some of us don’t need a test to tell and see when the head of the hydra is near. Some of us can feel the approach of a Medusa, look and then see her. Over time, the creeping eeriness of “Something wicked this way comes” does lesson a little.

Two fighting siblings in one! Is it highly likely that a two siblings in one child is more disturbed? Is one of these siblings always trying to get out or escape only to be in effect “sent back” or pulled back because like a tether made of rubber there is only one place for it to end up? Unless the tether breaks. What would a person as two siblings in one have to do in order to break the rubber tether? What does a two sibling in one person break all throughout their live in their drive to do this?

When a brother and sister are uglier than wet rabid dogs are they more likely to be incestuous?

I am not saying anything bad about hyperactive or attention deficit children, just wondering where they come from. Why are they this way?

I often pose questions through the Socratic Method of teaching to myself, in order to set a basis or framework of premises for understanding. A framework of solid premises is the basis of true intelligence and responsibility. Sometimes I indeed know a premise is true even though I will never be able to prove it, and therefore I set old Socrates to get working for me. I invite you to do the same, but I will not afford you the luxury that you assume your premises are true, only I can do this, because I thought of it first and have carved the decree into a tablet of stone right here and now.

The pressure inside the head of an inbred, from those two siblings fighting must terribly afflict them or cause suffering in them. A suffering they often project outward unto the world.

I remember a person I admire telling me the meanest and most sickening thing he ever saw was a group of boys fill a glass jar full with live garden snakes, put its lid on tight and boil it in water. Then watch them squirm around frantically before they die. If the scene I described does not sicken you as it did me when I heard it what does that say about you. Jesus Christ could see when Satan entered a person. If you feel you identify with the one who closed the lid on the jar, pray that he leaves you. If you identify with the snakes in the jar is it because of their suffering and struggle or because they are snakes like you that should not be placed in a jar and boiled to death. Now I could go on and on by thinking of different ways you might identify with the emotion you felt as you read the story, but what was your reaction? It sickened me that someone would enjoy watching something struggle and die like this. I can only rationalize that they feel someone treats them in this fashion in life or that they are just plain evil. There is more hope for humanity if the former is true. Because if the former is true people can make a positive difference in our world to see that it is better or attempt create a framework for a better future for us. Frameworks once built are always subject to sabotage and neglect, disrespect and intentional abuse by those who do not feel they fit in with the framework. The challenge for humanity is that it must always accommodate for those new to the world so that the frameworks can be reinforced or new frameworks built take into account change. And my analogy comes from people dropping heavy dumbbells at the gym and not one of building more and more prisons that are safer and more captive as some have professed. To the contrary a framework of society that needs less prison is what we should strive for. This framework would have to be based on equality, respect and fairness.

I have come to realize that those who like to slight me hate to be watched by me.

Quantum physics teaches us the observer and the observed are one. Can observing then be said to be either disturbing or augmenting. Is the direction or outcome of observance based on intent? It is often more of a surprise to the observer. And if somebody does not like to be observed because it disturbs them, I respect that and do not observe them.

Seeing someone observing or peeking at you often is a form of enlightenment.

God Bless Those Who Are Enlightened

Thomas Paul Murphy

Copyright 2010 Thomas Paul Murphy

The Painful Childbirth

The Painful Childbirth 07 07 2010

Does the pain of childbirth lead to responsible parenting as opposed to a child that is adopted?

I would have to say, yes. As mothers that have children they gave birth to always take the pain of birthing them into consideration when determining what is in the child’s best interest. When a mother thinks of children are her thoughts linked to the pain of its birth, or the baby’s painful inception in her memory and therefore more her relationship is closer to the child. Can it be said closer relationship to the child or identification with them lead to better upbringing of the child.

For example, would a mother by way of natural childbirth be less protective of her children? Would that lead to greater independence and therefore the development of greater character and integrity than a mother that does not feel as close a relationship or IDENTIFICATION with the child? How does a mother relate to a child she maintains she has a distant responsibility for?

Does a mother that could not have children idolize the ones she adopted? Idolize, meaning spoiling with attention to the point that it sickens the child and those the child then identifies with? Are there some mothers that feel their naturally born children are not indeed their responsibility? It is a form of abuse to deny children are your personal responsibility and accuse someone else for your actions with regard to this that violate the rights of others. It is also a sign that you lack the intelligence or understanding to teach and raise children yourself.

Are women that abuse their bodies through some forms of disrespect for themselves, forms of disrespect such as, but not limited to promiscuity, sometimes unable to have children because of this? What respect would they have for children they then adopt? Do women that are unable to have children or do not identify with their children, externalize the blame and therefore responsibility for them in a generalized or specific psychosis directed at others.

God Bless Those Who Think For Themselves

Thomas Paul Murphy

Copyright 2010 Thomas Paul Murphy